(Cord Magazine's questions are in blue. Artist responses are in grey.)


ANDY - CORDMAG : Okay but we have a little snippy snappy ten questions thing we ask every band, so let’s fire through that. What do you do when you’re on your downtime between recording, touring, playing…?

ROB DICKINSON : Um, I read car magazines. Haha. I play with cars.

A : Wonderful, I should have known. I probably could have crossed that one off the list. What is your vice of choice?

R : Vice. Um.

A : Are we looking at it right here (the wine)?

R : Ueh, if I had to take one bottle of booze with me everywhere it would probably be red wine but I’m not sure if that verifies as a vice. Um. Garlic. (laughs)

A : Hah! That’s original. I don’t think we’ve had that one before.

R : I’m not particularly… I’m not quite sure if garlic can be considered a vice or not.

A : Well it can be, it depends on who you’re talking to. Literally.

R : Yeah. How close you are to them.

A : How many “h”s there are in your sentences (laughter). What’s your favourite venue or city to play?

R : Um… god let’s see… Toronto I think. I always have great times in Toronto.

A : You’re not just saying that cuz you’re in Canada are you?

R : No no I mean we played to a big lot of adoring people…

A : What issues and aspects of the world most concern you these days?

R : Bush. The bastard. I mean he has to be a concern of everybody really. Yeah. The spiraling, right-leaning politics of this country. Spiraling amazingly in the 21st century, emerging of right wing religious organizations, the general awful conservatives of this country and the world really to a degree, but the fact that the word liberal is a damnable word in this country… I’m of course talking about America, not Canada, when I say ‘this country’…. bear that in mind. Um. Ryan Seacrest. Appalling averageness. On so many levels. A lack of energy produced to object to what’s going on. CNN. Apathy. Ignorance. Appalling education. The fact that education is so low on the list of priorities in most countries. And my parents are both teachers, England is just as bad as America. I don’t know what it’s like in Canada really. Hm. That’s enough isn’t it? (laughs)

A : Hah, I think we covered a few things, yeah. Well we’ve got election day here on Monday (January 23 - damn Conservative government! Oh but we aren‘t going to get into politics here now… oh wait maybe we are).

R : You have?

A : Yeah.

R : What, what a general election?

A : Yep the full-on national…

R : Oh really! See, see, CNN… I’ve, I’ve never even.

A : You haven’t heard about it? Yeah.

R : But you would have thought that CNN might mention that Canada is having a general election.

A : Of course not. They don’t care what we do up here, as long as we give them lumber and water they don’t care.

R : Oh god. I live there so I don’t know why I’m complaining.

A : Yeah, it’s got a lot to offer and a lot to gripe about. What’s one interview question that you could care less to hear again?

R : What do you hope for for the future? Ha ha! Realllly.

A : I didn’t ask that did I?

R : No no and don’t ask me that one. What are your plans for the future? Fucking stupid question. I know it’s not inherently really a bad question. It’s just such a lazy question. I don’t like lazy.

A : You want people to put in more effort...?

R : Yeah. Like you have. Hah or maybe this just like, just rolls off your fingers easily.

A : No, I agonized over this for days, trust me.

R : Ha ha!

A : What am I gonna do? Ahhh. This morning it finally came to me and I spent an hour at my work pumping it out on paper.

R : Haha.

A : Anyways, what was your favourite childhood cartoon?

R : Tom & Jerry. The Hanna Barbera ones are cool. All those more original...

A : Did you have any aspirations growing up besides anything music-related?

R : No, absolutely not. I remember thinking that... No, Nothing at all. I had no idea what I was gonna do. Yeah.

A : Nothing at all or just nothing besides…

R : Is he on already (opening act Rob Wilson)? Jesus. Um no no none at all. I remember thinking, I was just thinking that I would die before I reached 25. You know, because I just couldn’t imagine myself being 25. Or 20 or 30. The flash didn’t go off.

A : Oh I know.

R : Oh are you experimenting with the lights?

A : I’m trying to get a bit of ambient light but it’s a little…. Too ambient I think. If you could trade places with anyone for a day who would it be and what would you hope to accomplish?

R : I would be Bush! Be Bush, the most powerful man in the world. I’d screw his little game up. Which probably wouldn’t do anything, you know, he’d come back and put it all back again. But yeah, probably George Bush, yeah.

A : All right, this is the entertaining question. There’s a shark and there’s a bear, and they’re gonna fight. The shark is in a pool just big enough for him to exist, and the bear is standing on a small rock in the middle of the pool. They’re both hungry, haven’t eaten in a few days, neither have been trained.. Grizzly and a great white, they fight to the death, who wins?

R : Bear.

A : Bear. Why?

R : Cuz they’re vicious bastards. Well actually they both are but um yeah the bear has the advantage of being able to operate within water and out of it. And of course the shark doesn’t have that benefit. So once the shark is jettisoned from the water he wouldn’t stand a chance. And the bear could do that really easily.

A : Finally, if you could ask me one question, what would that be?

R : Um… um… how many of your interviewees have you wanted to have sex with?

A : Ooh... I guess I’m gonna have to go with a percentage point because I don’t know exactly how many people I’ve interviewed.

R : You don’t know how many people you’ve… and have they all obviously been musicians, actors, lots of different types of people?

A : Um, yeah, oh the magazine I run is just music.

R : Oh right.

A : Um...

R : I’m interested. How many?

A : Jeez quite a lot… a good 75%.

R : (laughs uproariously) Way to go girl!

A : Hey why not right?

R : 75%.

A : It happened a couple times..

R : It did? Good for you. That was gonna be my original question but I thought it was a bit brutal. How many interviewees have you slept with out of that then?

A : Oh I don’t know…

R : You’ve lost count! Yeeesss! You rock! Haha.

A : Oh man I sound like a whore! I can’t publish this.

R : Yeah, you have to!!

A : Everyone’s gonna want to be interviewed now. Bands are gonna request me.

R : Well there you go, I think you have to be… well I’m sure you’re gonna be putting my stuff in, so I think you’re gonna have to put your stuff in.

A : Okay fair enough.

R : So you don’t know... Let’s get a number. Let’s lets get a...

A : I cant, I…

R : Let’s shoot for something. Four? No obviously more than four. Ten?

A : Probably somewhere in between there but we’ve only been operating for about two years.

R : Hah good work!

A : Although it’s really not so much people I’ve interviewed as people I’ve photographed live. People I interview I tend to just hang out with.

R : Right. All right. And how many of them lived up to the expectation?

A : Oh, not a lot. They’re all selfish.

R : Really.

A : Interesting but….nope. selfish.

R : Really!? Yeah well..

A : Sex is often a pretty selfish thing anyhow though isn’t it.

R : Oh yeah. Uh huh.

A : Got any more burning sexual questions to ask me?

R : No no...

A : All right.

R : No I’ve asked the most interesting questions of you.

A : Hehe. Right on. (Dickinson laughs) Thank you for your time.

R : My pleasure. Thank you for…

A : And for donating a glass of wine…

R : You rock!

Elsewhere

By Andy Scheffler
Photos : Andy Scheffler
Published : January, 2006.